When it comes to children, it can be easy at times to react to them in anger – and with all the stuff that goes on as a parent, it would be very difficult for anyone to blame you for getting upset! But punishing the act instead of punishing the person is a big part of parenting properly, and this means that you must avoid acting out of anger as best you can, as this will send a message to your child that “they” are bad, instead of that the “action” was bad.

You need to be able to discern when you are calm and when you are angry if you want to avoid acting out toward your children in anger – which means you will need a firm understanding of yourself, as you will be unable to consistently parent your children properly if you are unable to consistently make this distinction!

When your child does something wrong, and you are upset, the first thing you need to do is examine yourself; if you are upset with the choice your child made (but not with your child), it will be okay to sit them down and talk to them about their decision, and then to prescribe their punishment. If you realize that you are upset with your child (instead of with their choice), you need to explain this to your child (saying something like, “Daddy/Mommy needs a moment to cool off” will suffice), and then you can ask them to wait in their room (or in your room) until you are ready to talk to them.

Make sure you cool down completely before you do talk to your children, as this will be a big part of raising children who grow into well-adjusted adults. Once you start paying attention to this aspect of parenting – making sure you are punishing the “action” rather than the “child,” and parenting out of love rather than out of anger – you will be on your way to raising children who blossom into the adults you hope for them to become.

Tags: